Poorland State

To the people who so graciously covered every last hall and walkway with these signs: "Poorland State University" and "Faculty are Seeing Red" : take them down. It's disrespectful. You're characterizing our faculty as naive victims who are unable to divide an offered salary by 12, not the generally highly-educated and intelligent people that they are. I'm not saying that university faculty shouldn't be paid ridiculous sums of money; I'm going to be one of them someday, and I like money as much as the next person. I'm also not saying that the academic job market isn't beyond difficult to crack into. It is. But those of us going into academia accept those terms with our eyes wide open, preferring to risk poor job-placement and median income so we can spend a lifetime indulging in whatever intellectual exploration we like best. Besides, what are you really expecting that we do? If PSU does start paying faculty more, you're going to start posting signs saying, "Portland Rape University: Respect Students! Lower Tuition!"

To the person who designed the advertisement for the documentary about human trafficking: writing FREE! in big black letters above the poor slave's head probably wasn't such a great idea.

To the cafe on the corner of the south park blocks: I love you. You're food is tasty, your coffee is even better, and you manage to keep your place clean and attractive without being pretentious. For these reasons, I will walk six blocks out of my way just to visit you. But that's not all. I appreciate the fact that you will only serve me cream from hormone-free cows, and
that you make it easy to recycle. You care about, not just our health, but the environment, and I know that this is the reason why there are no napkins for me to take, that you're afraid I'm going to start stuffing them in my pocket and therefore kill trees. I respect this. I know that you care, and if I order food, you will make sure to provide me with precisely three napkins to keep my face and fingertips free from crumbs or errant mayonnaise. But. I beg of you: if you are only going to provide me with these three dainty napkins, and if you're not going to allow me to simply get up to snag a few more, please, please! do not place the napkins DIRECTLY UNDER MY FOOD. I don't know if you've noticed, but this defeats the ENTIRE purpose. The napkins that you have hoarded in an effort to remain eco-friendly are delivered to me pre-soiled. This is not nice.

To the older gentleman I met at the same cafe: No, I do not know the actual odds of us bumping into each other three days in a row but yes, I do imagine they're low. No, I do not think it is a sign. The universe is not trying to tell you anything, except maybe stop hitting on younger women.

Finally, to the weather: I know, I know, I talked to my friends and we all agree that you are not an intentional system. But pleeease start thinking happy thoughts. Consider anti-depressants. We miss the sun and are tired of wearing multiple sweaters and woolen scarves (dashing though they may be). We have even decided we will do an anti-rain dance, if you're into that sort of thing. We'll do whatever it takes. Just make it warm.