I believe this particular piece of the conversation went something like this:
Me: "You know that feeling you get when you like someone, really, really like someone, and you can't stop thinking about them and you just want to spend all of your time with them and it's distracting and makes you feel all vulnerable and crazy? I hate that feeling."
Tim: "I think they call that falling in love."
Me: "Yeah. I hate that."
And it's so, so true; I do hate that feeling. I hate it so much I will go to any length to avoid it, but it sneaks up on you when you least expect it, usually when you're feeling cocky and self-assured and certain that you will never, ever fall in love with a particular someone. Like them, sure, but "like" is safe and devoid of any distasteful I-can't-wait-to-see-them-again emotions that creep into your mind and make you feel not only like a stereotypical mushy human being but also possibly a bit insane. Love makes me feel insane. Hell, I don't even want to call it "love" because that word evokes such a beautiful idea of sunshine and rose petals and the feeling that I'm really describing is more like "My heart is being choked by vicious ninjas trained in the art of Kinbaku."
Tim seems to think that people generally enjoy this feeling.
Me, not so much. And I didn't think much of it until my friend Timothy (not the same as the above-mentioned Tim) and I started talking about personality types and inspired me to peruse my own personality-type description. This is what caught my attention:
In forming relationships, INTJs tend to seek out others with similar character traits and ideologies. Agreement on theoretical concept is an important aspect of a relationship. By nature INTJs tend to be demanding in their expectations and approach relationships in a very rational manner. As a result, an INTJ may not always respond to a naturally occurring infatuation but will wait for a mate who better fits his or her set criteria. Persons with this personality type are very stable, reliable and dedicated. Harmony in relationships and home life tends to be extremely important to the INTJ. He or she tends to withhold strong emotion and does not like to "waste" time with irrational social rituals. This, however, may cause non-INTJs to perceive him or her as distant and reserved.Yes. Yes yes yes.
See, the problem with falling in love is that you can't control who you fall in love with unless you take a certain number of steps to avoid them ahead of time, and naturally you can't predict who is a "bad match," so to speak, until you get to know them.
I feel like I need to invent a checklist:
1) Do you believe in God? Yes/No
If you checked "No" : Proceed to question 2.
If you checked "Yes" :
1a) Is your major referential source of God-belief a religious text? Yes/No
1b) Does your God-belief entail a personal God? Yes/No
1c) Is "God" not simply a fancy term for "probable higher intelligence"? Yes/No
1d) Would you fear a reality in which there were no God? Yes/No
If you checked "No" to all of the above, please explain your God-belief on a separate piece of paper and proceed to question 2.
2) Do you believe that the mind is immaterial? Yes/No
If you checked "No" : please proceed to question 3.
3) Do you believe that all occurrences are products of physical/explainable processes? Yes/No
If you checked "Yes" : please proceed to question 4.
4) Do you believe that the mind-body problem is an illusory in nature? Yes/No
If you checked "Yes" : please explain in sufficient detail before proceeding to question 5.
5) Are you wondering why I'm asking these question? Yes/No, I understand completely!
If you checked "No, I understand completely!" please move on to these non-theoretical questions:
6) Are you adverse to any of the following: children, cats, horseback-riding, a multitude of male friends, moving to foreign countries (with or without cause), coffee, long naps, frequent sex, reading, museums of any kind, excessive travel, long discussions and comfortable silences? Yes/No
If you checked "No" : please proceed to question 7.
7 a) Are you adverse to your partner spending 2-4 hours a day alone with her thoughts? Yes/No
b) Will you harass/interrupt your partner during these hours for any reason, with the exception of unusually impressive sex or impending doom? Yes/No
c) Does silence disturb you? Yes/No
If you checked "No" to all of the above: please proceed to question 8.
8) Do you write or produce art or music of any kind, professionally or as a hobby? Yes/No
9) Do you believe that the circumstances of your life are largely within your control? Yes/No
10) Do you generally relish your existence and feel strongly that you are an interesting and valuable person? Yes/No
If you checked "Yes" on questions 7-10: Congratulations! Given further personality characteristics, professional compatibility, geographical proximity and a host of other factors out of our control, we could possibly be a good match! Well done.
Being excruciatingly picky may not get you laid, but it sure does make life easier.
8 comments:
correction, I earned an A!! it's going on my fridge.
You earned an A?! A+ or A-? Or right smack in the middle?
Come on, I want answers. And don't forget you have to submit your response for question 4.
question 6e swings both ways which is why I change my score from an A+ to an A. Of course it's not recommended to grade your own paper...
1) Do you believe in God? Yes/No
NO.
But to play the devils advocate, YES and here is why:
1a) Is your major referential source of God-belief a religious text? NO. Play one roll-playing game, and you've played them all. The game is only real within the confines of the text.
1b) Does your God-belief entail a personal God? Yes, but only in that we are God. We are the one who animates the inanimate through awareness. We're our own salvation.
1c) Is "God" not simply a fancy term for "probable higher intelligence"? God is defined in many ways depending on the book read. See answer to question 1a.
1d) Would you fear a reality in which there were no God? If we are God then without God means there is no me. And as with death, there is nothing to fear because we cease to exist, and probably cease to care.
2) Do you believe that the mind is immaterial?
No. Awareness, personality, spirituality are the result of the physical brain. Just look at what major brain damage can do... or drug induced disassociation. its hardware and software. in theory you could sever a head, keep it alive, and that person's personality will still be intact...although probably not very happy. zap, damage or stimulate different parts and the mind is tweaked. I often wonder when computers achieve artificial intelligence, when will deletion be considered murder?
3) Do you believe that all occurrences are products of physical/explainable processes? Yes/No
YES, and there is still much to understand and discover.
4) Do you believe that the mind-body problem is an illusory in nature?
YES. while the emergence of the mind and freewill might not be completely understood, i still have to stick with what is known thus far. See question 3. the brain is a cosmos within our head. There are an infinite number of neural combinations that could fire. warning, leap of faith: i feel, when infinity enters the picture new dimensions emerge. it could be that the mind is another dimension that has its own laws of physics -our physical body the axis. but its hard to study objectively being embedded and defined by it. I am not well read in this topic. Maybe you could explain the mind-body problem to me in further detail.
5) Are you wondering why I'm asking these question?
NO, I understand completely - in fact, i am thrilled this matters to you. in a way, i dont ever want to know the answers because that would be the end of the puzzle. pondering a puzzle feels good on the brain. its almost like eating something delicious.
6) Are you adverse to any of the following:
a)children NO,
b)cats NO,
c)horseback-riding NO, as long as i'm not bucked off AGAIN. ( xgf's horse, she never did like me - i think she felt i was 'getting in the way'. )
d)a multitude of male friends, NO. Are you adverse to my multitude of female friends?
e)moving to foreign countries (with or without cause)
YES/NO, I would need a real good reason because at the moment I am making ground professionally, I am very grateful for living in the NW and I enjoy my life. however, to speculate how i'd feel in the future, is not fair to my future self.
f)coffee, NO.
g)long naps, NO
h)frequent sex, oh god.........
i)reading, NO.
j)museums of any kind, NO.
k)excessive travel, NO, lets flip a coin and go.
l)long discussions, NO. long personal discussions and virtual discussions are great. especially conversations that transcend gossip and consumption. like this.
m)comfortable silences, NO.
7 a) Are you adverse to your partner spending 2-4 hours a day alone with her thoughts? Yes/No
NO, I have the same request.
b) Will you harass/interrupt your partner during these hours for any reason, with the exception of unusually impressive sex or impending doom?
NO, alone time is mutually important so the sex better be damn impressive. doom? do i really want to know?
c) Does silence disturb you?
NO, i enjoy it.
8) Do you write or produce art or music of any kind, professionally or as a hobby? Yes/No
Yes. Music and sound is my art and science, visual and poetic art is hobby.
9) Do you believe that the circumstances of your life are largely within your control? Yes/No
Yes. Something i am forever perfecting and executing.
10) Do you generally relish your existence and feel strongly that you are an interesting and valuable person? Yes/No
well, i aint normal! Yes, I hope to live to 100. Life before death, not life after death - amen.
If you checked "Yes" on questions 7-10: Congratulations!
7 was straight up NO. Typo?
Given further personality characteristics, professional compatibility, geographical proximity and a host of other factors out of our control, we could possibly be a good match! Well done.
hmm, why not include questions 1-6 as well?
Being excruciatingly picky may not get you laid, but it sure does make life easier.
Picky? ha! I've never met anyone as picky as me. I'd even go so far to say i have let my assumed gender roll down by walking away from an assortment of freebies. even when blitzed! ive never played those reindeer games...substance requires patience.
what's my grade?
Well! The test was really pass/no-pass, and indeed, you did pass (and Jamie thought that would be impossible).
"7-10" was indeed a typo - I thought about correcting it but didn't, as was "is an illusory in nature" - again, this is what happens when you edit without editing. The reason I didn't list "1-10" was because you had to answer correctly to move on to the next question for 1-6, so it seemed unnecessary.
This is an interesting experiment. We'll discuss over coffee.
impossible?? that was the easiest test i've ever taken. That's why I think I earned an A. Pass / no pass seems too broad. A+, A- or right smack in the middle. that seems a little more specific. come on, i want answers!
There's an easy answer for that one. You have to answer each question correctly to pass. There's no gradient point-system.
The test is only easy for someone with all the right answers. But I suppose that's true of all tests. I can make it harder. Real life is always harder.
and with all this testing, the tester is being tested as well.
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