I Think Joe Should Marry that Deaf Chick

The sexual tension between them is so obvious.

In case you're wondering, Joe is the new guy on Blue's Clues. He stepped in when the old guy had to "leave for college," not caring, apparently, about the lifelong commitment he made to his DOG. Even a weird, brilliant, preschooler dog with a fetish for stamping things with her feet. Even a dog who won't just say what she wants, but makes you wander the house peering under the bed and jumping into picture frames until you collect enough clues to sit down and put it all together. And after all this is over, you have to actually DO whatever it was she was trying to tell you. God, having that dog in the house would be exhausting.

Anyway, Joe is much cuter than the old guy. In fact, Joe appears to have frequent female visitors, if you know what I mean. But I can tell he really has a thing for the deaf chick, the one who comes by to "teach Joe sign language." Yeah, I can see right through that little act, my dear. Sign language... right.

I think this whole bachelor theme is getting old. Do you think Blue actually has it out for the lady friends? Maybe she relishes all this attention a little too much... not hard to guess, considering how much effort she makes Joe put into figuring out what game she wants to play for her birthday. Anybody that self-centered would have a difficult time incorporating a whole new person into her household, especially a HUMAN BEING, one with breasts, that Joe might just enjoy spending some of Blue's precious time with. In fact, Joe might even like her better than Blue. MAYBE Joe would even realize that these bizarre little games are exactly that - bizarre - and send Blue to the animal shelter, where no one would put up with her passive-aggressive crap. Or maybe he'd just send her to a nice farm. Who knows.

At least Joe's getting some action. Caillou's parents are about as shapeless and asexual as two people can be (but they are very, very nice). It kind of bothers me, really, how neither one of them seems to have a job and they can just hang around and pay attention to their kids all day. What assholes.

I have to wonder how much of the average American parent's insecurity stems from genuine keeping-up-with-the-Joneses and how much of it is generated through children's programs. I mean, that's why the kids are watching tv anyway, right? Because it's more entertaining than you are? I think that just about sums it up. All the parents on tv have all the time, all the patience, all the enthusiasm and caring in the world, and you! You're just an average slum, working all day and coming home to your kids at night, tired and cranky and not all that into figuring out whose toy was whose. Just send them all to bed! That's what you want to say, but you don't, and then later when you're reading your kids stories and they're yawning and snuggly you'll remember why you did this in the first place, and it isn't because they're about to climb into bed.

It's because they're lovely.