Children Would Be Great If It Weren't For All The Crumbs

My daughter, the blond one with the giant blue eyes? She’s a bit weird.

I’m in the kitchen, perusing the bills (yes, I said “peruse.” That’s what I do with bills.). Lyra marches in, practically goose-stepping, a Geico brochure clenched tight in one teeny fist.

“This is my truth!” She declares. Stomp, stomp, stomp. “My truth! I must tell the ditizens!”

"The what?! The citizens?"

"THE CITIZENS!"

Sorry, I can’t even type this without laughing. But seriously... what is this? No one warned me about this when I decided to become a parent.

(Confidential to Jamie: watch out. Except your children are going to grow up talking funny; you should have thought of that, hmm?)